FOR TODAY

Outside my window… Sailboats on the Hudson River, a sagging peach tree, and Manhattan.

I am thinking… That I really am looking forward to 2+ weeks straight with both kids & husband

I am thankful for…A supportive, awesome spouse. This beautiful weather. Friends coming for dinner!

From the learning rooms…I am gearing up for fall, and the start of a really loose preschool rhythm. Lots of apple picking, lots of harvest crafts, and lots of free creative play. I’m starting to simplify our toy collection too which is exciting, and I’m hosting a “freecycle” day for friends in my natural parenting group.

From the kitchen… Strawberry lemonade and chocolate chip brownies.

I am wearing… denim skirt and white/navy sleeved top. Both from Target. Both soft and cozy!

I am creating… An inspiration notebook for crafts, recipes and natural remedies.

I am going… Have dinner with friends, and go to sleep early, really!

I am reading… Living Simply with Children

I am hoping… For a lovely 10 days up in the woods.  That tomorrow I can find some fall dresses that fit and make me feel pretty. That we catch one fish on Sunday. That my hands stop looking like a dry mess.

I am hearing… Someone whistling, but I can’t figure out where they are? Darn city living & open windows.

Around the house…Resting children and dogs.

A few plans for the rest of the week:  Tomorrow we are going shopping for things that we need pre-vacation, and Sunday we will go to my parents house for dinner & fishing & nature time!

Paige got her first fishing pole, tackle box and hula hoop [to practice casting] from my Dad.

Spending time in nature is so essential for our family. I’m not the go-getter hike up a mountain type of gal, but I will sit happily by a creek for hours skipping stones and daydreaming.  I need that peace – when someone asked me what has changed once we moved to an urban area I honestly had no idea what she was talking about.  Change? Huh?

I love the culture of the city (and the food) but what I love more is a river and some trees. I can enjoy the seasons so thoroughly if I’m all up in them: the leaves changing in fall, the silence of a snow storm in February, the daffodils in spring and those wet raw mornings. And summer? Crickets and dipping toes into creeks? Bring it the fuck on.

The past few days I’ve been trying to sneak bits of mother earth into our routine. We slept at a friends house and she lives on the most beautiful lake. In the morning I woke up to the sound of  happy chattering ducks and it made my heart soar.   I just feel happier when I’m out of the bustling city – I don’t do well with so many options. I feel like I constantly have to go go go go go.  Even Paige slows down. She made “dinner” for fairies with bits of flowers and acorn tops, and sat with me this morning on a bench while we waited for a turtle to stick his nose out of the water. It was peaceful.

I’m looking forward to 10 days of swimming, picnics, nature walks and simply spending time with my awesome little crew. I’m itching to get my feet in the pool, and equally dying to dip my toes in one of the local swimming holes.  And going into town! And exploring! And just feeling at peace.

Also, thinking about gratitude: I was with my friend last night and she reminded me that I’m lucky.  That WE are lucky.

Some things I am grateful for:

A husband who’s my best friend and someone who I admire.

A little girl who I have some of the most interesting conversations with

A little snapping turtle boy who has just found his voice; he coos all day!

My dogs, and the fact that when we go away they are going to have over a week of running and sniffing to do

Friends that love me and all my imperfections

Mornings where I’m the first one up

The fact that my french press hasn’t exploded on me in a week

Homemade Waldorf dolls from Etsy

ALL the acorns we have been finding!

…that bring me happiness

1. The first cup of coffee each morning

2. Baked goods for breakfast that someone else has dutifully made

3.  Going to fancy food stores alone, and going down the isles at my own pace in search of yummy things

4. Wine at night, in the summer with friends while the kids get dizzy from not sleeping and start running into each other

5.  The PERFECT pair of warm cozy winter yoga pants

6. Ice cold bedrooms, down comforters, pitch black and a full nights sleep

7. Having a stack of books to read

8. Reading stories to Paige

9. Spending time in nature

10. Fall and pumpkin flavored things

I took Paige to the beach for the first time this summer.

We picked up friends, put in additional car seats, packed up buckets and shovels, purchased lattes,  drove forever, splashed in the too rough to swim ocean, collected shells, dug holes, ate crab legs and drank summery drinks [adults get booze], laughed, got suburnt, and came home.

I think another beach trip is going to have to happen next week. Paige was dying to go “way far out in the ocean like those grown ups RIGHT THERE” but it was just a little TOO rough for my taste. I’m okay putting my own life at risk to swim in the sea, but holding on to a non-swimmer sounds like I’m temping the gods.

Now on to what I want to talk about, disipline.

Even on her worst day I kind of think my daughter is awesome. She never really has the kind of throw yourself  on the floor tantrum that makes me want to cringe for the parents when I see it in public. (And I say cringe for the parents because everyone can be so judgmental, I think we need to back off as parents because everyone has their shit days]   She doesn’t smash her head into the wall, or throw BPA free glass bottles at her little brothers head. Nope, instead of all that I get the SULKY TEENAGER TRAPPED INSIDE A 3 YEAR OLD.

Maaaa—-ohhhh-mmmm. WHYYYYYY.

Maaaah—ohhh-mmm. I don’t WANT TO!

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.

And so I’m like

Dude if you can’t behave I’m going to go insane. The fairies won’t bring you anything. You can’t eat chocolate for the rest of your life. I won’t read you any more books. We will leave. We won’t leave. I can’t stand you. Stop MOANING like a teenager!

I’ve read every single parenting book. I know that all 3 years olds can be extremely challenging; she is testing her boundaries by rubbing diaper cream on her legs. By drinking out of the dog bowl. By overflowing the sink.

I know what I need to do. Give her time to rest. Make my home child-friendly.  Don’t put expectations no her; if we are in the hot sun all day, and she’s tired, and she’s acting out I can’t blame her. She’s 3. She’s pooped. She needs a good night sleep so we can start over in the morning with a healthy breakfast and a hug.

But in that moment? That moment where she’s moaning, and smacking, and acting out? All that zen and peaceful parenting goes out the window and I want to shout shut the fuck up and sit with a glass of red wine. How can my kid be so verbal and yet have the social graces of well…a 3 year old?

It’s just amazing to me that I can know all this stuff about attachment parenting, peaceful discipline and yet when it boils down to it, the moment your kid  pushes you too far you are going to just snap a tiny bit.  That it’s okay to not be perfect. That Paige really needs to understand imperfection and frustration and that it’s not cool to test me, or her babysitter, or her Father, or the dogs… because eventually? We will all bite. Hard.

Can we say too busy to blog?

In the past few weeks I’ve attended my great friends bridal shower, watched my cousin get married, hosted a third birthday party for my own lovely bug, went to the sprinkler park, visited family, mothered a 6 week old, stayed up late, had some BBQ’s and a slew of toddler dance parties, and watched the house get more and more messy and the laundry pile up.

I can not believe that 3 years have gone by since the birth of Paige. In 3 years we have lived in 3 different houses, had a few different pets, raised a couple of kittens, taken hundreds of walks, answered millions of questions, read thousands of books and had zillions of snuggles. Paige delights me. She delights other people. She delights her little brother, and sometimes even the dogs [when she has treats..]

We kept her birthday simple this year.

Family

A few friends

AND CREATURES! Last year we did farm animals, but due to space and the fact that sheep are so 2009, we decided to go with lizards, frogs, and some furry friends. For an hour the kids got to hang out, learn a little about animals [I'm sure they didn't listen] and pet some bunnies. Everyone joked the party was really for me because I happen to get very excited at the prospect of holding baby bunnies, and having a GIANT boa constrictor hang out on my shoulders.

Wyatt is becoming less like a creature, and more like a baby. Smiling, cooing, doing all the stuff that sweet dreams are made of. He’s still a fairly easy baby – as long as his tummy is full he’s content to sleep or just lay around in someones arms. The one thing I’ve learned? He hates the car. Will SCREAM as your trying to get on the highway so loudly, that you will pull over and feed him even though you’re only 5 minutes from home, and it’s late, and you just want to be on the couch nursing some tea.

Part of the awesomeness of having a new baby, is falling in love all over watching Phil love on him. Even if sometimes I come downstairs and he’s balancing things on his head, it’s easy to see he’s just as smitten. We all are!

The afternoons are tough – Paige doesn’t nap anymore and I run out of steam

I am going to be flexible with afternoons; if everyone is cranky we will stay home and veg out but if [and I suspect she will be] Paige is ready to go we will have a weekly slew of activities to fill the slow hours of the afternoon.

I haven’t figured out which days will go to which activities, but so far I’m thinking

ERRANDS – bookstore, market, etc. I order our “bulk food” online, the stuff we always need like Phil’s soda and teas and whatever else because it saves me a trip and a hassle with kiddos.  Stores like Whole Foods/farmers market and whatever else can be done on this day.

Activity days – I am going to plan one special outing a week to a museum, event, whatever else. I think one day a week is good, because over the weekend we do family things as well.

Play date “days”  – One or two afternoons a week I’d like to set up play groups with local moms.

Work days – days where I need to get writing done or I’ll loose it

Like I said, I’m still putting the pieces of our fall together and looking into what activities we may try. I also want to stress flexibility. If something completely awesome is happening on a Tuesday we would normally do ___, I will try my best to make the awesome stuff happen. New York is chock full of free, kick ass things for toddlers and while we are living here, I want to take advantage 100%.

I want to start each day with a little bit of awesome

My mornings right now are super hectic; we wake up and automatically I’m changing soaked diapers and pull ups and getting demands for yogurt, or cereal, and all I can think about is coffee coffee coffee.  I know that not every morning is going to be sunshine and butterflies, but I do need it to start off a little more smoothly

So. A rhythm.

Breakfast

*I’m itching to start cooking more healthy, hearty things for Paige and myself. Once a week I’m going to slow cook a batch of oatmeal, and some fresh granola to have on hand because it seems easier than whipping some up the morning of, while Wyatt is demanding to eat too. Once a week I also want to have a huge breakfast – pancakes and bacon, eggs or something of the likes. The other days I’m going for simple: fruits, toasts, butters etc*

Clean up

*I want Paige involved. She can help clear the table/dry the dishes/load the dishwasher*

Stories!

*I want to have “book breaks” throughout the day, in the morning sitting with the kids and my coffee is always fun, so I’m going to pick a stack of books to read/talk about with Paige each morning*

Free play

*I’m going to set Paige up with something so she can play freely and I have a chance to breath/do my own thing for a bit*

Chores for day

*whatever I have for M-F and whatever food prep needs to be done for lunch & dinner*

Get dressed/showered/ready

I want our mornings to be spent at home this fall/winter. During the summer we are out at the park before it gets too hot, but I think during the colder months we will be snug and warm in our house.  Some mornings we will have activities or play dates, so this is a bare bones basic rhythm that can be changed accordingly!

Thoughts?

And what are some great easy breakfast SLOW COOKER ideas? Or casseroles I can get together the night before?

I’m inspired to give our lives a gentle ebb and flow that make life pleasant

The past four weeks have taught me so much but [and I hate admitting this] we need some HELP so that we can all enjoy each other. Wyatt is so needy with his constant feeding, and holding, and baby ways and I can tell the chaotic house [and by chaotic I mean MESSY] and lack of sleep is starting to take a toll on Paige.

Summer is hard – Paige has never been a sleeper and will fight kick and scream for naps or bed time, but lately it’s been a little much. Entire days in the sunshine playing, shouting and having a blast followed by late bedtimes and sometimes getting woken up in the middle of the night by a hungry little brother = a 3 year old who’s going to act out. Who NEEDS an earlier bed time, and a quiet period each afternoon.

My house needs a face lift – when there’s half empty cups of coffee on the table it’s very hard for Paige not to feel tempted to dip her fairies in for a quick bath…she’s 3! Looking around I feel very, very overwhelmed and so this month I’m going to try to simplify. Toys we don’t use will get swapped at a natural parenting play date; books we don’t use will get put away and brought back out so they are “new” or will get donated to the library [to make up for all the books I've um, forgotten to return..] I also have dreams of simplify Paige’s toys and keeping only what she loves: her crafts, play kitchen, fairy tree house, farm, and 309840854 animals that talk sing and are her ‘best friends ever.

I need to figure out how to balance my writing, and my parenting. I’ve been itching to really write again – for pay, and for personal sanity. Finding time to write while feeding and taking care of Wyatt is easier said than done, because he’s pretty needy. Even Zen babies are want to get fed every 2 hrs, and are fussy if you put them for for a second.

We also need a gentle rhythm, which is what this week is going to be about. Each day or even twice a day if I’m caffeinated I will post my *fingers crossed*  fall and winter ideas/rhythm and asking for your thoughts. I know that a lot of this is wishful thinking and it’s going to take time time time for me to get on any kind of set “schedule” but a girl can hope eh?

Last night we kicked butt at the family bed

** note**

For the first few weeks of Wyatt’s life we slept on the couch. My “supplies” are downstairs, and it was so peaceful to lay on our over stuffed couches together nursing in/out until the morning.  Plus my little wild girl is a beast in bed and will go from one end to the other without waking up once.

Last night I successfully got Paige to bed while Wyatt snuggled next to her! It wasn’t easy but it worked (I’m thinking a long day in Central Park helped) and at bedtime Wyatt and I went upstairs and has the best sleep! He obviously wakes to nurse multiple times, but he happily slept on the crook of my arm in bed and his spazzy sister stayed on her side!

—-

I’m loving two kids.  Fuck some days it’s really, really hard – trying to find the BALANCE is the most important thing.  Our morning routine is getting a little easier – breakfast for Paige has been super easy stuff like cold cereals, yogurt and granola or muffins and fruit and she’s okay with that. She’s also patient while I change Wyatt/get him fed before she eats [her tummy can wait, his really can't] and we all sit at the table together. Shelly my queen in shining armor comes at 10am and I haven’t even been counting down the hours that much. Today for instance we didn’t even get out of jammies because we had story time on the couch and it was so snuggly.

Paige has gotten momma/me time too ; we go to the park [thank god for having one down the road that's chock full of sprinklers, crafts and kids] and yesterday we spent the day in Central Park, followed by a trip to the Barefoot Books section of FAO.  We also ventured out in the 95 + degree weather on Saturday to take Paige to see Walking with Dinosaurs which was awesome, but just too hot for anyone to be happy. I was wearing Wyatt the entire day and we were both sweating like bullets. I’ve been using the Bjorn because the Moby wrap is about 200 feet too long, hot and complicated for almost-August. Wyatt does okay in it, but when he’s awake and alert he wants NOTHING but to sit in my arms and look around.

What a charming little man. Every morning he’s happy and awake while we putz around, and his afternoons are a mash of sleepy feedings, and snores. Paige adores him, and the other day at the park a crowd of little boys gathered around me and talked about whoa how small his feet are! It was very silly, and really precious.  Whenever I can, I sneak kisses on his perfectly velvety cheek and I’m deeply, annoyingly in love. I had a few child-free friends over and I couldn’t stop talking about my kids..I was like sorry dudes, sorry, SORRY okay so um wanna talk about…umm co-sleeping?

So yes, bottom line is that the days are getting a little easier. When you have two kids everything becomes harder: sleep, keeping a house even remotely clean [confession: had trouble with this without any kids] paying attention to your dogs, and marriage especially. I love my husband with all my heart blah blah blah, but throw a newborn in the mix and all of the sudden I want to punch his face in.  I need to breath and tell myself “Tracy, this is normal and he wants to punch you too, get over it..”

The other day I had a rough mom day – running errands with a toddler is challenging, but throw a newborn in the mix who’s idea of fun is to eat every 1-3 hrs and you are going to be tested for patience.  And of course I sent 100 text messages to Phil because I was done, I could not handle this..and at the moment, I really couldn’t. I was balancing Paige’s needs and Wyatt’s as best I could and my best got me dirty looks in Trader Joe’s when I went to grab Paige and she screamed “YOU HURT ME” in an over-dramatic toddler way [for the record, I did not hurt her at all that drama queen..]

And at night I realized one thing: I can’t expect too much from a newborn and an almost 3 year old. Paige was patient for as long as she could handle before she wanted to just burn energy SOMEWHERE, ANYWHERE. And Wyatt was well, a tiny man who needed his belly filled up several dozen times.  If I’m going to make a day for errands, I need to move slowly and allow time for Paige to dawdle in the candle isle, or just take a break to run around down by the river. I need to be able to say “okay I’m going to nurse or feed Wyatt this bottle” in the middle of a store because he needs it, and that’s that. If I can do these things, I can avoid  frustration.

All in all? This has been an awesome journey

It’s obvious, but sometimes I’m overwhelmed by the sheer love I have for these two little humans.  Paige is kicking ass and taking names at being a big sister; she is there with a coo if Wyatt is freaking out [and literally a coo, she's like "don't worry dude big sister is here] and I love how she’s so eager to show him off to people at oh, the bookstore or the park.

This is my little brother, I’m a big sister now! His name is Wyatt, be gentle please

Wyatt is equally amazing – hes the opposite of Paige at this age and is just so peaceful…really, a peaceful little man.  He just needs a lap to sit on, something to eat, and a finger or two to stroke his cheek if he’s fussy.

I feel like this summer is speeding by and I’m doing none of the things I wanted. I wanted to go to the sea and swim and have Paige collect shells but with a newborn it just isn’t happening. I wanted to make sun tea, and garden way more, and yet I haven’t done either; in fact, my garden is in SHAMBLES. There’s tomatoes and zucchini and flowers galore, but it needs a serious weeding and I just have been avoiding the hot humid [100 degrees anyone?] weather, especially if I’m going to be wearing a little man against my chest.  The nice times of day are the breezy evenings and by that time all I want to do is sit on my butt and wish I were in the woods

And the good news?

We are going away! 10 days in Woodstock NY to play, swim, and enjoy nature.

I can’t wait, August is really looking to be a fun month. Weddings, parties (Paige’s birthday!) and trips here we come!