Paige’s birth took place in a hospital.  At 11 in the morning I called my doctor to tell her I thought I was in labor [I'm one of those "oh my god, I feel the baby coming!" 3 weeks before the due date while eating an ice cream cone..] and we hung around for a few hours at home before heading in.  I had a bag packed with yoga pants and books, and was ready for anything.

Mostly drugs, and some lunch, I was starving. Natural birth didn’t seem like something I was interested at the time — the childbirth I knew wasn’t this amazing spiritual experience, it fucking hurt.  The only time it didn’t hurt so much I wanted to punch someones lights out, was when I was moving around…in a hospital you can’t. I was on my back hooked up to machines and that’s that. I can say though, that I had a fantastic nurse and doctor: both were so caring, helpful, and just amazing during the entire birth. I didn’t feel rushed to push [I'm the one who initiated it] and there was no tearing, or cutting involved. Paige was on my boob within seconds and it was lovely. So, I’m not against hospitals  especially when there’s decent staff that really CARE about delivering babies.

My after care? Well, it sucked. I had trouble breast feeding like so many new moms do, and the nurses either couldn’t/wouldn’t help me, or swooped in for 2 seconds  at 3am to offer advice that I couldn’t understand in my sleep deprived state. One nurse told me my “baby was hungry so formula would be okay..” and it was awful. I really, really wish I was more educated and could have told all the nurses to fuck off and HELP me with my tits, which were producing the stuff just fine thank you, I just needed help with my latch.

This time I was going to do the hospital birth again, but I’m not happy with my doctor. How impersonal it is: to sit in a waiting room for an hour while everyone pretends to read magazines but secretly checks you out. To see a doctor for five minutes – long enough to make sure the heart is beating and I’m gaining weight. To know that in 9 months this basically anonymous person would be all up in my vagina. I wanted something more personal. I wanted to be able to move fluidly around because that is what feels good. I want someone who can sit and patiently help me breast feed this time, so that it’s not painful and I don’t fight back tears every time it’s feeding time, which is all the time. How many times can I use time? Lets see

So this momma is having a home birth. I’m reading about it and looking up midwives in the area and getting more and more tingly-excited every day.  Phil is going to get involved, and I’m hoping this can bring us closer together as a couple of dorks who are raising kids.  Will I have Paige present? I really don’t know yet — I may need this to be a me/my body experience without her clamoring about asking a million questions…same goes for my dogs. I’m sure they will be howling right along side of me and THAT is already annoying. Pet hotel? Grandmas? We will see!

Either way, I’m pumped. Be pumped for me